Gentlemen may scroll down directly to the pictures.

As a female sports fan, I've found that there is a very fine line between dressing festively for sporting events and dressing like the butch lesbian from your high school science class. Fortunately we lady Braves/mlb fans no longer have to wear potato sack-like apparel thanks to the luminous and wonderful Alyssa Milano. Her new official MLB-wear line "Touch" features clothes that attractive women will actually want to wear AND they are not pink or idiotic. Now if only we could get a hot lady hockey fan to do the same...

Gentlemen may begin here.

And my personal favorite:

Newbies Ahoy

Dear Chris Thorburn,

Thanks for getting me really excited about the upcoming season. I like your moxie. Please inform Brian Little, Brett Sterling, and Tobias Enstrom that they've got me equally revved up for what's to come.

Yours affectionately,

The Brunchitarian


P.S. I hope you laughed as hard as I did when the two Ice Girls fell trying to throw t-shirts.

Home Sweet Ho..ly Crap Its Cold In Here

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

I overheard this gem from the yellow practice jersey-clad fan sitting in front of me at last night's preseason opener, and I feel it accurately describes my feelings about the season's prospects. We all knew that no one among those the top brass brought in were superstar material, but I think we all hoped beyond hope that somehow one would break away from the middle of the pack. My suspicion is that this is a vain hope, mainly because I am an unmitigated pessimist, but mostly because I have seen the power play unit and it is as insidious as ever. Twice we had a 5 on 3 advantage and you know what we did with it? NOTHING. It was deja vu. I remember a quote in high school from Emerson that said something about foolish consistency being the "hobgoblin of little minds." Well, it is also the hobgoblin of our power play unit. Mix it up a little for pete's sake! I love Bob Hartley, I really do, but god help me if he can't adjust the power play setup so that SOMEONE can score once and a while, I'm going to turn into Randy Quaid from "Major League." I mean it. I will break the staff of Flag Guy's flag.

I must say I was also a little sad that none of the prospects or new guys really wowed me, but there's plenty of time for that (as least for the new guys). My most anticipated line to watch was of course the Kovy-White-Sterling line, and this was unfortunately the biggest disappointment. Todd White didn't really do anything. Poor Sterling spent the entire game buried beneath a sea of white jerseys, which he could only escape by hanging out next to the goal with no feasible shot (which is why they left him alone). With his line neutralized, Kovy just looked a little lost. I'm hoping that Sterling just needs some adjusting time, but man oh man was Todd White ineffective and boring. It almost makes you miss Metro, because at least he had a personality.

Enstrom was the other hot prospect I was itching to see, but mainly because at camp he looked far more like the guy who played trumpet in your high school marching band than an NHL defenseman. Seriously, he looked like he could fit in my pocket. It would have been cute if I wasn't afraid that Chad Denny might eat him by mistake. In his Atlanta debut I was a little nonplused, as he had some fancy footwork moves that were cool to watch but he also committed a really lame penalty. On the whole I would say he was more interesting to watch than others, so he gets the benefit of the doubt. According to the Blueland Blog he was unhappy with how he played, so if he believes he can play better than I'm a lot more pumped about him. Mainly though, I was just relieved that no one mistook him for a speed bump.

The little Wolves line of Lavallee-Little-Haydar was cute, and it was clear in the last two periods that they took the game more seriously than anyone (other than the apparently bitter Keith Tkachuk who committed at least two penalties and nearly went to blows with Fisticuffs McCarthy). Little was fast and made a few opportunities for himself, though no goals. Not particularly effective, but I liked their spirit. The only line that looked really good and ready to go was Hossa-Holik-Bartovic. Two goals for Hoss (one short-handed! I love when he does that!), Holik showed a good amount of his Czech feisty-ness (which was well-needed with Ex out of the lineup for the evening and no Mellanby to stand up for his guys), and I even thought Bartovic looked pretty good (though he's now been cut). He didn't look overwhelmed at least, which is more than I can say for some guys that haven't been cut yet.

Overall it was good, it was bad, it was really cold. But mostly it was just good to be home.

UPDATE: I forgot about this, but apparently they are trying to change the "Unleash the Fury" video again. It was another montage that had nothing you could shout along to. I am most displeased.

The Seventh Circle of Fandom

So, my sister and I have earned our newest merit badge on the way to becoming the biggest Thrashers fans we know. Five years ago we earned our "Goes to Several Games" badge, followed quickly by the "Knows the Names of The Rest of the Team" badge. The next year I earned the "Knows all the Numbers" badge, while she got the "Buys a Jersey" one. Last year's big achievement was the "Reads all the Blogs Religiously". And so our quest continues, with this year's achievement bringing us further up a notch in the hierarchy of fandom.

This week, we went to training camp.

After the huge spectacle that is Philips, with seats a mile away and flames shooting out and fancy light displays, training camp was basically a Twin Peaks experience. Look! It's Marian Hossa! He's a big famous star and he's only 6 inches away from me on the other side of this glass! Its as though you are in some of kind of alternate universe in which the Thrashers are just a really good rec league team. It seemed wrong to treat them as celebrities or stars or what have you because what they were doing felt far too close to my high school volleyball practices. They even do suicides! The only part of it that felt "real" was when Chad Denny crashed into the glass in front of my face and scared the living daylights out of me. I don't care how many pads you give me to put on, if I were on his side of the glass I might have pissed myself.

It was fun to see the players goofing around a little bit, looking like hockey is fun and not a Serbian war crimes tribunal. I've always felt that Hossa was a little cold, the Iceman to Kovy's Maverick, but he surprised me with my favorite moment of the day: one of the coaches had left a bucket full of pucks on one end, near the blue line. Hossa was waiting for his turn at the back of the line near the other blue line when a puck glides up to his skate. He starts to bat it around with his stick a little, skates it toward the center line, and then shoots it through the air toward the bucket! Wheeee! And then it misses. Sounds like a metaphor for the playoffs. I think I'm going to lie from now on and say that it went in, as that's totally a better story.

Now, sometimes I look at other fans like Rabid Fan, or Braveheart guy, or Grandma and think, Man I'm glad you people do what you do but I'm glad that's not me. I LOVE Rabid Fan. I think I am his biggest fan. But am I going to reach that upper echelon of fandom? No, I do not believe I will. Nor will I enter the realm occupied by this wonderful and completely insane person:

Um, Wow? We especially liked the sticker on the side that reads: "Give Blood, Play Against Exelby". Where on earth do you get these stickers? Clearly this person had them made, but to be perfectly honest the thought has never occurred to me to have my own Thrashers bumper stickers made. The bigger debate that my sister and I had regarding this car was whether it belonged to a man or a woman. She says hands down it must be a woman, but I'm inclined to believe that it's a gentleman. If you know this person, dear god please tell us because I want that million dollars. Either way, here's to you XLB FAN, may you go on loving our average (but extremely loveable) defenseman.

Some Advice For New Fans

As a seasoned Thrashers fan with lots of games under my belt, I figure it's only fair to give back to the fan community and share a few tips. I'm not going to give away all my secrets, but I will try and help people avoid frustration, confusion, and disappointment as best I can.

1) PARKING. First of all, be aware that paying for a spot in the Phillips parking deck will usually set you back $20. If you drive past the Arena, there is a parking deck on your right that usually charges $10, which I would recommend for any women driving alone (this is what I do when I have to meet someone). Otherwise there are various lots for $5 or $10 within easy walking distance of the Arena. Now, once upon a time, in a land far far away, you could often sniff out some of the metered parking on adjacent streets such as Cone and Forsythe. They have since built more cool restaurants and clubs in this area, so the metered spots are basically impossible to grab. I would also mention that if there are big shows at the Tabernacle, people will arrive early and compete for the same spots you want, so check the day before in case you need to head out early. Or save yourself some trouble and just ride MARTA.

2) TICKETS. First of all, do not expect to walk up to Phillips Arena at 6:45 for a 7 pm game and be able to get a ticket from the box office. First-time fans don't always know how popular the Thrashers are and that YES, they sell out frequently. In this case there are several scalpers who will suit your needs or you're SOL. If I don't already have a ticket, I always plan to arrive at least an hour early. You can buy them on ticketmaster ahead of time, and for sold out games I try stub hub. Additionally, the season ticket holders have a forum where they sell tickets they aren't going to use, so if its a good price I would try to buy from them so that there are less empty seats in the house and less people get turned away when tickets sell out. You can find their forum linked to the Thrashers ticketmaster page. If you are a student, you get a discount at the box office (I want to say it's half-off, but that sounds too generous), and 99x freeloaders get a special deal as well ( or at least they have for the past few seasons). Also, I know it's cheaper, but DO NOT buy tickets in the 400s. You will most likely be seated near other newbies, and therefore will not get the true fan atmosphere. Additionally, a lot of groups buy tickets up there, which means a lot of talking and shouting across rows. I was seated up there once behind "Sigma Kappa Date Night!" and let me tell you, they were giggling and yelling back and forth the whole time. The worst of it was that they were constantly getting up and moving around. For more on that, see #6.

3) THE CNN CENTER. Eating at the CNN Center before games is a tradition for a lot of fans, and you will start getting pumped when you see the sea of blue jerseys. There are a lot of fast food restaurants (Wendy's, Chick-fil-a, Moe's, etc), as well as a few dine-in restaurants (Jocks & Jill's, McCormack & Schmick's, a Mexican restaurant). There are tons of choices, however there aren't tons of tables and chairs to provide for everyone, so if you get stressed by things like that get there early. If you get fast food, be prepared to stalk tables until you can jump on a free one. If musical tables isn't your style, then you can eat at a dine-in restaurant, but you need to get there at least a couple of hours before game time if you want to be finished before the first whistle. And on that note...

4) GET THERE BEFORE THE FIRST WHISTLE. This is the time when the excitement of the fans truly starts to build. It begins in the CNN Center, and then coalesces within the actual arena. One reason to there early is that if there are any giveaways, they will be long-gone by game time. More importantly, if you get there half an hour before game time you get to see the warm-ups. The cool part about warm-ups is that you don't have to watch them from your seat, you can watch them from anywhere in the arena (minus the boxes). Want to see what it's like to watch hockey from the glass? You can if there's room. You don't truly understand how scary a 6-6 defenseman is, or how fast a Kovy slapshot is, until you see them up close. Trust me, this is fun.

5) NATIONAL ANTHEM. First-timers are often confused when fans suddenly shout something out during the National Anthem. During the verse "gave proof through the night" fans yell "KNIGHTS!" to remember our dearly departed Atlanta Knights, our city's team before the Thrashers but after the Flames. If you don't remember the Knights, you probably shouldn't yell, but at least you'll know what everyone is shouting.

6) PUCK IN PLAY RULE. This rule prevents anyone who has left their seat from returning to it while play is going on. The ushers will hold you at the portals until they hear a whistle, then you may return to your seat with your salty snack and tasty beverage. The unofficial corollary to this rule is that you do not get up out of your seat until play has stopped. This means you, Mr. Six-foot-two. Wait until you hear a whistle, THEN snake your way toward the aisle. You must understand that every time you stand up it obstructs someone's view. With that in mind, only obstruct their view of the refs moving the puck to the blue line, not the game-winning goal.

7) GOOD CONCESSIONS. If you are remotely health conscious or a vegetarian, your options are limited. First, vegetarians: I get pizza, which isn't that bad. They also have popcorn, pretzels, and french fries, which are oh so figure friendly. If you want something lighter and healthier: the downstairs food alley has a few places with specialty foods, so try down there. I know they have a very good pasta place, and you can get pestos and marinaras which aren't as bad for you. It does take a while to get your food though, as its made to order. I'm fairly certain you can also get salads at one of the places in that area. On another note, this section is also where you get the good beer. Go to the Guinness pub, they at least have Bass. It's crowded in this area, but you can only eat at the salt buffet so many times.

For a few more tips you can visit the Thrasher's A to Z Fan Guide, which I don't find all that helpful. They do have some interesting things, such as where the ATMS are, but any usher can tell you that. Does it tell you, for instance, that the rowdy fans (The Nasty Nest) have seats in and around section 319? No it does not. It does, however, give you the practice schedules, etc.

That's all for today, friends. If you have any suggestions of your own, feel free to comment.

If I'm a Bunny, You're a Bunny

Anyone who has visited the Thrashers homepage in the last few days knows that the new squad for the Blue Crew has recently been selected. On the most recent posting of the Blueland blog there has been some discussion about what a Blue Crew girl's blog should look like as well as what the Blue Crew's proper function should be. I'm not really interested in that, as I don't really see what their function is period, but it did get me thinking about women's roles as hockey fans in general.

I will admit, I think that choosing to wear next to nothing while you prance around an ice rink is an absolutely ridiculous thing to do. Even the players wear sweaters. But I'm also aware that sex sells, and that that if a woman (or the whole Blue Crew) chooses to allow other people to use her body to as a marketing tool, then that's up to her. That happens in every aspect of life, so I'm not going to single out sports. What I am going to single out, however, is the sheer hypocrisy involved in the existence of the Blue Crew and the liberal usage of the term "Puck Bunny."

This charming term describes female hockey fans who take an active interest in the players' personal lives (aka married or single) because they find them attractive. Now, if this term were limited to just the groupies, then ok. If you're going to put yourself in a position where you look a little desperate, they you should probably expect a disparaging epithet or two. But when I hear the word used, it more often than not describes ANY woman who finds hockey players attractive.

Here's where the hypocrisy part comes in: There are probably few if any male fans who would say that they only go to Thrashers games simply because enjoy the "charms" of the Blue Crew. They would say that they are hockey fans, so they go to hockey games, its as simple as that. The fact that there are a bunch of under-dressed young blondes running around is just an added perk, right?

Well, most straight women who are hockey fans would probably admit to finding some of the players attractive, but few would say that's the only reason for their interest in hockey. As far as I'm concerned, why should we not find them attractive? They are young, in peak physical condition, really good at something, and have a decent paycheck. We are hockey fans, not nuns. If men are not expected to leave their sexual impulses at the door, I don't see why women should have to in order to prove that we are "real" fans.